Help
Sign In
freedom
October 2009 
Hello again
Posted on Apr 8th, 2008
by 
Nishtha
Nishtha
I have been absent for quite some time from my blog and this online community and I just wanted to say "Hello again!"
For the past several months, I have taken my writing "offline" and have gotten immersed in the art of journalling and mindmapping; these other methods have allowed me to explore different aspects to my creativity and expression. I've enjoyed my little sabbatical and am now ready to get back to the blogging world of sharing and conversation.
Now, I just have to start thinking of things to write about....
The Art of Babysitting
My partner and I have been babysitting his granddaughter lately and she's firmly entrenched in the "terrible twos" phase. We've been trying to figure out the right measure of guidance and setting limits without overimposing our wills upon her. It's quite a challenge!
Little Mariana is an extremely bright, inquisitive, mischievous and beautiful girl. She gets her hands on absolutely everything and is very adamant about what she wants. Sometimes we indulge her desires and sometimes we don't, telling her why we don't want her to do something or telling her why she can't have something she wants. When she doesn't get her way, she'll engage in a little dramatic scene, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes throwing things. We don't tolerate the screaming or the throwing things but I fear that she's quickly figuring out that crying is an effective method of disarming us.
Her mother just took her home for her afternoon nap and I'm trying to regain my own equilibrium after an emotional roller coaster of a morning. While I'm glad that my partner and I were here to give Mariana's mother a break today, it was a particularly difficult day of managing little Mariana's moods. As a woman who decided early on in my own life that having kids was not for me, a day like today just confirms that I made the right choice for myself.
And even so, despite the difficult behavior and subsequent challenges of supervision and guidance, I'm absolutely thrilled to get to be a grandparent/auntie of sorts. I'm absolutely thrilled that I am entrusted with the intermittent caretaking of such a beautiful child. I am honored to be a part of her life and to be given responsibilites in shaping her upbringing. I take these responsibilities seriously and intend to do everything in my power to assist her in becoming an empowered, enlightened and uplifted human being.
Friends and gentle ones, any advice for me, my partner and/or my partner's daughter, on how to manage the "terrible twos" phase such that we do not squash a free spirit just as she's beginning to blossom? Any suggestions on how to establish limits and boundaries without limiting her sense of self? Any words of encouragement and guidance as we embark upon this fantastic and frightening journey of raising the next generation of Consciousness?
For the past several months, I have taken my writing "offline" and have gotten immersed in the art of journalling and mindmapping; these other methods have allowed me to explore different aspects to my creativity and expression. I've enjoyed my little sabbatical and am now ready to get back to the blogging world of sharing and conversation.
Now, I just have to start thinking of things to write about....
The Art of Babysitting
My partner and I have been babysitting his granddaughter lately and she's firmly entrenched in the "terrible twos" phase. We've been trying to figure out the right measure of guidance and setting limits without overimposing our wills upon her. It's quite a challenge!
Little Mariana is an extremely bright, inquisitive, mischievous and beautiful girl. She gets her hands on absolutely everything and is very adamant about what she wants. Sometimes we indulge her desires and sometimes we don't, telling her why we don't want her to do something or telling her why she can't have something she wants. When she doesn't get her way, she'll engage in a little dramatic scene, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes throwing things. We don't tolerate the screaming or the throwing things but I fear that she's quickly figuring out that crying is an effective method of disarming us.
Her mother just took her home for her afternoon nap and I'm trying to regain my own equilibrium after an emotional roller coaster of a morning. While I'm glad that my partner and I were here to give Mariana's mother a break today, it was a particularly difficult day of managing little Mariana's moods. As a woman who decided early on in my own life that having kids was not for me, a day like today just confirms that I made the right choice for myself.
And even so, despite the difficult behavior and subsequent challenges of supervision and guidance, I'm absolutely thrilled to get to be a grandparent/auntie of sorts. I'm absolutely thrilled that I am entrusted with the intermittent caretaking of such a beautiful child. I am honored to be a part of her life and to be given responsibilites in shaping her upbringing. I take these responsibilities seriously and intend to do everything in my power to assist her in becoming an empowered, enlightened and uplifted human being.
Friends and gentle ones, any advice for me, my partner and/or my partner's daughter, on how to manage the "terrible twos" phase such that we do not squash a free spirit just as she's beginning to blossom? Any suggestions on how to establish limits and boundaries without limiting her sense of self? Any words of encouragement and guidance as we embark upon this fantastic and frightening journey of raising the next generation of Consciousness?
Access: Public
wonderful to see you again dear friend! i'm sure with all the love you have you will do a super job…
love, light and joy!
nicole
Nistha! Hi Pretty Lady! What a beautiful, beautiful little girl. Oh, such fun. I raised three hellion little boys and am now helping to raise my two step-children and I have one piece of advice for the terrible two's. Don't sweat it. They go away (the terrible two's that is). And then you move on to the Terrifying Three's. ;0) Just love her the way you are and don't worry about setting boundaries, it's good for her, just keep in mind to stay flexible. She may seem like she's reasoning but it's quite a limited kind of reasoning. That said, she will test you. It's the nature of the sweet little beasts.
I laughed (hard) when you I read: As a woman who decided early on in my own life that having kids was not for me, a day like today just confirms that I made the right choice for myself. When I'm around a baby or toddler these days I find myself thinking “whew, am I glad those days are over”. The rest of the time I half have a lump in my throat because I miss having my babies so much!
My eldest, Derek, has a live-in gf with a three year old. I just love it when he complains about her tantrums. Not that he was a tantrum thrower, he was my good boy, but it's fun watching him learn how to deal with it. Now if my middle child, Zachary, has a tot that tantrums, well, I'm going to say “ha ha ha ha ha!” I'm going to literally sing it!
Glad to see you back! Love, Ayla
welcome back, dear one!
blessings on the little one and in all of your heart's work
love
mary
As a grandparent I have such a different perspective than I did as a parent. I have the pleasure of watching my daughter raise her sons, now 6 and 12 and give her props. She has learned so much and not from me! She has used a method of distraction with her 6 year old that has worked from the time he was two. It's like a sucker punch. I can't believe that he keeps falling for it, but he does. The kid can be in the midst of a fit over something he wants and should not have, his mom will allow him time to cry and vent for a little and next provide an alternative distraction, not a promise or a bribe, but an appeal to his inquisitive nature. The kid will stop, look and listen, then, short of a miracle, he begins to engage. Funny though, I find that I am not as convicing as my daughter in this tactic. Once he said to me, Grandma, you're trying to trick me, it's not going to work and returned to his scream, I called his mother.
Joyce
Nistha! Oh, it's great to see you, I'm so glad you're back. And look forward to hearing what you have discovered in your absence.
Joy, you made me laugh : ) “I called his mother.” I think you may have to come up with your own magic trick—it's so hard to borrow that of others!
Ayla, your experience and your love of little people is a wonderful gift to that next generation you're hanging out with–especially your humour. Lucky them : )
Nistha, I'm thinking of your question….. As Ayla said, boundaries are good for children. I very much agree. So when there are things that simply must not be (like sticking the fork in the electrical outlet!), a person needs to stand firm. I actually find that being peaceful in one's rightness about certain things helps very much in standing by them. It releases you from all the push-and-pull inside your gut that makes the task of child care so exhausting. Have few rules, but have them cheerfully and without unnecessary negativity.
Humour is your friend. “You want to do what? you want to put all that pudding on your head? hmmmmm maybe we should try it on the playmobile boy, instead. Then there'll be more for us!” “The last time I stood in the toilet bowl, my feet smelled HORRIBLE!! For WEEEKS!! Let's try this bucket instead.” Playfulness is always a good thing, and enforcing the necessary rules need not be serious at all. As long as you are confident and clear in what you are encouraging or discouraging. Before you even attempt it, think about whether or not it's really all that important in the grand scheme of things.
Look for win-win situations. Think “how can I say yes?” instead of wondering how to say no—without actually crossing any of the genuine no-no boundaries. When a child is eager to do something, my first thought is always “Why not?” If I can't find a really good answer to that, then I ask “How can I make it possible?” If it's a mess issue, I try to find a mess-solution. When my girls were small and wanted to play with their food, I said “okee dokee, but let's do it so I don't end up having to call the fire department to hose down the kitchen.” I brought a plastic wading pool into the dining room (it had linoleum floors, then) and dumped a HUGE bag of rice into it. Then I assigned the girls the job of finding all the toys they could play with in there (plastic dinosaurs, trucks, cups, sheds) and let them play. They sat outside the pool and reached in (so I didn't have clothing full of rice at the end of it, although if they'd insisted on that, a good jiggle dance at the end would have kept most of the rice in the pool when they got out, and a bit of a sweep would do the rest.) They loved that pool of rice.
So……. humour, creative solutions, always trying to find a way to say yes (they respect “no” much more when it's not a constant), and lastly, I found that when I was at my wit's end, “If you can't beat em, join em” was a good motto and I would surrender all hope of getting anything else done and get down there on the floor and totally engage with whatever the child wanted to do. I'd let myself be bossed around! “Ok, which astronaut do I get? You're driving? where does that leave me? dragging off the back of the space cart!! agghhh!! where's my helmet??”
I'm sure this is entirely too much advice. At least it was solicited : ) I just get carried away. Goodness knows I sympathize. I love my girls madly, but I too was one of those women who felt no powerful inclination to parent—until I was 30 and suddenly changed my mind! They're 13 and 11 now, and challenge me as much as ever. I love it.
It's so wonderful to be back! Thank you Nicole, Ayla, Mary, Joy and Crow for your comments. I do feel as if I've just reconnected with friends I haven't met in ages.
I will be with little Mariana again this weekend and will definitely employ all the suggestions you've given me….love, humor and diversions. It's a lot easier to maintain my humor and resolve when I only have to do it in three hour increments every three or four days!
:-)
oh yeah! that's one of the joys of grandparenting and why many grandparents wish they could have just skipped the parenting and started right in as grandparents!
i don't… not a grandparent yet and please God not for some years to come lol but my children have taught me so much that I needed to learn.
light and peace!
Dear Nishtha, welcome back. You have been missed; and it is great to see your smiling face and be drawn into your life!
You've asked, and received excellent advice; so all I'll add is…having kids late, I have defined the role I play in their life, and am loving the parent-grandparent one!!! As Nicole, I have so much I've learned.
The other thing that comes to mind is: I think of kids as people who are going through childhood. Somehow I feel you're doing that too. And yet, the one thing they can only learn from caregivers like parents/aunts like you is emotional maturity: how to express and handle emotions to help achieve what they want. I use that as a test of my and their behavior whenever I am involved. Helps a lot to gain perspective.